


heteronormative homoerotic fuss

by whereisthedamnlostandfound



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Dream Team - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, M/M, also, every fandom needs an overabundance of chat fics, not everyone tagged was mention in the first chapter, why are there very specific people whos full names are on here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26877877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereisthedamnlostandfound/pseuds/whereisthedamnlostandfound
Summary: Dream is the co-captain of the swim team and the leader of the robotics club, Fundy, has caught his eye. Typical high school drama ensue.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Floris | Fundy
Comments: 150
Kudos: 712





	1. is it the furry or the idiot?

**Author's Note:**

> texting fic lets gooooo
> 
> i also shamelessly stole this title from heteronormative homoerotic fuss by yete (swimception) because it was such a funny line. its a stray kids chat fic and its hilarious

**my** **idiot brother, my furry brother, and me**

aaron-wil-burr: are you two coming to my meet or are you disappointing me again?

Not a furry: GSA is today

tommyinnit: im disappointing you

aaron-wil-burr: nice try Fundy but Eret is on the swim team

Not a furry: fuck i tried

Not a furry: guess im disappointing you

aaron-wil-burr: for that shit lie you have to come now

Not a furry: why are you only forcing me???

aaron-wil-burr: your lie was a shit

aaron-wil-burr: plus Tommy is just going to hang out with Tubbo

aaron-wil-burr: you however will just hide in your room and code Minecraft

Not a furry: i came out to have a good time and im feeling so attacked right now

aaron-wil-burr: be in the pool area by four or im telling Mum about the fox ears

Not a furry: shut the fuck up ill be there

aaron-wil-burr: pog

**nadaremos nadaremos en el pool**

aaron-wil-burr: @tech no

aaron-wil-burr: you owe me 5 bucks, one of my disappointments is coming to the meet

tech no: is it the furry or the idiot?

tech no: i hope its tommy

aaron-wil-bur: no, its Fundy

tech no: booooooo

tech no: niki wont be bored at least

dweam: you have two brothers Wilbur?

aaron-wil-burr: unfortunately

aaron-wil-burr: Tommy and Fundy

aaron-wil-burr: Fundy leads the robotics club here

dweam: George has talked about Fundy before, i didn't know he was also your brother

dweam: my ears will never recover from Tommy and Tubbo

king eret: as if u, george, and sapnap arent awful on the eardrums as well

dweam: we're saints and we have done nothing wrong

king eret: no, thats bad

king eret: u 3 are devil spawns and im grateful mum wont let ur friends and tubbo's friends over at the same time

dweam: we get a little loud sometimes so what?

dweam: we have fun

king eret: i dont have the time nor the patience for the heteronormative homoerotic fuss that is u 3 knuckleheads

dweam: fuck you

tech no: heteronormative homoerotic fuss

king eret: ur my brother, No Thank You

tech no: king as always eret

roblox highest enemy: this isnt alabama dream

dweam: shut the fuck up quackity

**sleepy bois incorporated**

aaron-wil-burr: messaging the swim team chat was a mistake

tech no: messaging anyone is a mistake

philza: What are you two on about now?

aaron-wil-burr: fucking Dream

philza: Dream?

tech no: hes just salty because dream and eret started doing brother things

tech no: and he wanted the attention on him

aaron-wil-burr: hes lying Phil dont believe him

philza: Work it out yourselves, I'm busy.

aaron-wil-burr: with what???

aaron-wil-burr: were in s c h o o l

philza: Sparklez and I are trying to flick a paper football out the open window in our classroom.

tech no: that's real busy phil

tech no: i'm so glad you are taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with us peons

aaron-wil-burr: i hope the cap wins

**dyslxeic bee lover, tommyinnit**

dyslxeic bee lover: dream and eret's first home meet of the season todatl

dyslxeic bee lover: im going and you shoucl come with

tommyinnit: what if i don

dyslxeic bee lover: that would be very NotPog of you

tommyinnit: guess im going to the meet

tommyinnit: i want to be Pog

dyslxeic bee lover: neet

**my idiot brother, my furry brother, and me**

tommyinnit: tubbo and i are in the stands

tommyinnit: fundu isnt here yet

aaron-wil-burr: youre here??? what the fuck?

tommyinnit: tubbo is here for dream and eret

aaron-wil-burr: and youre here for Tubbo got it

aaron-wil-burr: @Not a furry

aaron-wil-burr: @Not a furry

aaron-wil-burr: @Not a furry

aaron-wil-burr: @Not a furry

aaron-wil-burr: @Not a furry

aaron-wil-burr: @Not a furry

aaron-wil-burr: @Not a furry

Not a furry: IM ALMOST THERE SHUT THE FICK IP WILBUR

aaron-wil-burr: fick ip

tommyinnit: fick ip

Not a furry: i hope you lose you absolute shithead

Not a furry: im here

tommyinnit: where???

Not a furry: im over by niki next to the left emergency exit

Not a furry: i see you

tommyinnit: like that bitch?

Not a furry: minecraft but every mob is my annoying ass little brother and im killing every mob

tommyinnit: well thats not very nice

aaron-wil-burr: why are you two like this?

Not a furry: because fuck you thats why

Not a furry: i see george

Not a furry: im ignoring you both and i hope you lose will

**robo club combine**

Not a furry: george

Not a furry: i see you

colournotfound: where are you??? i dont see you

Not a furry: left bleachers by emergency exit

Not a furry: niki and i are waving

colournotfound: i see you!!! were headed your way

Not a furry: i have a new minecraft code idea

colournotfound: im almost there. lets talk about it in person

legally blonde: wish us luck

Not a furry: you got this but good luck anyway!

**dream team**

dweam: thanks for coming to the meet

snapmap: no prob bro

colournotfound: we'll be cheering you on!!!

dweam: lol thanks

dweam: wait

dweam: @colournotfound

dweam: @colournotfound

dweam: @colournotfound

dweam: @colournotfound

dweam: @colournotfound

colournotfound: WHAT dream???

dweam: who's the cute boy with the orange hair that you're talking to?

colournotfound: fundy?

snapmap: cute boy with the orange hair

snapmap: bruh

dweam: shut the fuck up he's cute okay?

colournotfound: he leads the robotics club and he does coding stuff in minecraft. you would probably get along really well

dweam: hmmm…

snapmap: win the meet and show off your skills co-captain

dweam: definitely will

colournotfound: even if you lose you could just come to the club room and hang around

dweam: might just take you up on that too

snapmap: go get it tiger

snapmap: george just hit me what the fuck george

colournotfound: shut up and let dream put his phone down. good luck dream!

**my idiot brother, my furry brother, and me**

Not a furry: congrats i guess

Not a furry: tommy and i are waiting for when youre done

Not a furry: you can buy us ice cream with that 5 dollars you won

aaron-wil-bur: who snitched

tommyinnit: nonya

aaron-wil-burr: im not falling for that

tommyinnit: that would be pretty tragic if you did

tommyinnit: buy us ice cream

aaron-wil-burr: no

tommyinnit: buy us ice cream big man

Not a furry: come on

Not a furry: you force me to be here and you wont even buy me ice cream

tommyinnit: us, fundy, us

Not a furry: buy us ice cream wilbur

Not a furry: youre a bad brother otherwise

aaron-wil-burr: if i buy you both ice cream will you shut up

tommyinnit: yes

Not a furry: for a undetermined amount of time yes

aaron-wil-burr: you know what ill take it

aaron-wil-burr: give me a sec to tell the team and we'll go

**nadaremos nadaremos en el pool**

aaron-wil-burr: my brothers want ice cream so im taking them to get ice cream

aaron-wil-burr: if anyone wants to come youre invited

dweam: no thanks, george, bad, sapnap, and i have plans

legally blonde: i want to get home sorry

manuscript: i crave sleep im going home

tech no: from what niki is telling me

tech no: youre buying their silence

roblox highest enemy: nah im g thanks tho

aaron-wil-burr: maybe i am??? ever think about that technoblade?

tech no: why wont you ever buy my silence

aaron-wil-burr: do you want to come along???

tech no: oh god no

tech no: i just like complaining

king eret: is tubbo coming along?

aaron-wil-burr: i mean probably

king eret: ill come with so u dont have to drop him off

aaron-wil-burr: thanks dude

tech no: ive been informed niki is going with so now i am being forced to go with as well

tech no: life is pain

roblox highest enemy: cut me up this is my plastic spork


	2. you old old huh bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long im just lowkey dead inside

**dream team**

snapmap: @colournotfound

snapmap: tell your club leader man im chilling with you all today

colournotfound: is that how you talk to captain sparklez? and ill let fundy know

snapmap: abso-fucking-lutely

rat tamer: language

snapmap: sorry

dweam: bet

snapmap: ill get screenshots bro

dweam: B E T

snapmap: whats the terms

dweam: ill do a belly flop into the pool next meet

rat tamer: why are you two like this???

snapmap: bruh no

snapmap: ill pull the reciepts and you have to come with me to the club room

dweam: we're in the middle of swim season

dweam: i cant skip practice

dweam: especially when i'm co captain

colournotfound: yet youre willing to throw a meet for a stupid bet you know sapnaps going to win

dweam: as if

snapmap: im getting the screenshots right now

dweam: not that, idiot

dweam: i fully believe you

dweam: i meant throwing the meet

dweam: unless the teams were up against next meet have suddenly improved

colournotfound: then why would you bet????

dweam: techno and i could drown ourselves for 15 seconds after starting and still win

rat tamer: i don't remember junior classes being so lenient and letting people just be on their phones

colournotfound: i finished my work, sapnap is probably skiving, and dream is well, dream.

snapmap: got it!

> thunder brain: captain sparklez?
> 
> captain sparklez: yeah?
> 
> thunder brain: why does everyone call you captain sparklez?
> 
> snapmap: oooo bossman this is a funny story
> 
> snapmap: tell the newbies
> 
> dangthatsalongname: You werent even in the school when it happened sit down be humble
> 
> snapmap: cap you gonna let scott talk to me like that?
> 
> philza: Sparklez, you have the patience of a saint.

dweam: i mean

dweam: i fully believed you

snapmap: im not skiving

snapmap: teach just has given up on me

colournotfound: youre going to share that and not explain why the captain is called captain sparklez?

rat tamer: that's not a good thing sapnap

dweam: scott is now my favourite human

dweam: that was straight savage

snapmap: thought that was fundy

dweam: shut the fuck up sapnap

rat tamer: language oh my gosh

dweam: sorry bad

dweam: just drop the screenshots that explain the cap's name

snapmap: ugh fine

snapmap: give me a sec

dweam: seconds up

colournotfound: im going to push you off the roof next time i see you

dweam: W O W

dweam: bad are you seeing this?

dweam: bad?

dweam: @rat tamer

dweam: @rat tamer

dweam: @rat tamer

rat tamer: george dont kill dream

rat tamer: dream calm down please

dweam: absolutely not

rat tamer: you three could try even sparklez' patience

colournotfound: has anyone ever made the captain lose his patience?

rat tamer: i know when x33n was here he could frustrate sparklez quickly

snapmap: oh yeah youre a senior

snapmap: b o o m e r

rat tamer: sapnap!

colournotfound: just drop the screenshots please

snapmap: ugh fine

> captainsparklez: i spilled glitter all over myself in woodshop freshman year and seananners, the captain from 2 years ago started calling me sparklez
> 
> captainsparklez: i became vice captain sophomore year and everyone tagged on the captain title to it and it became captain sparklez
> 
> snapmap: laaaaaaaaame

rat tamer: sappy nappy hush

dweam: sappy nappy

dweam: bad thats hilarious

colournotfound: not as interesting as i expected

colournotfound: sappy nappy bad thats brilliant

rat tamer: youre welcome

dweam: i forget youre also on the football team bad

rat tamer: unfortunately

snapmap: unfortunately?

snapmap: bad youre one of the best players and when the cap or phil aint around everyone listens to you

rat tamer: they listen to me because im a senior

snapmap: youre a senior???

dweam: sapnap…

snapmap: what???

rat tamer: sapnap!

rat tamer: im two years older than you!

colournotfound: youve had this discussion not even five minutes ago what the hell sapnap

snapmap: you old old huh bad?

dweam: lol

rat tamer: you little muffinhead

**robo club combine**

colournotfound: @Not a furry sapnap is going to be in the club room for the day

Not a furry: okay thats cool

legally blonde: im watching sapnap type frantically whats going on?

colournotfound: dream and him are being idiots. dream may be throwing his next meet

Not a furry: dream? throwing?

Not a furry: from what i heard he and techno cant lose

colournotfound: he isnt infallible. hes just a cocky idiot

rat tamer: he and techno have definitely earned it though

dyslxeic bee lover: if my brathers ego was iany larger it would engulf the earth

rat tamer: thats mean

dyslxeic bee lover: but true

colournotfound: if only he had a good personality to accompany his oversized pride

legally blonde: george lol

rat tamer: now thats unnecessarily mean

colournotfound: youre telling me im wrong? are we reading the same chat bad???

rat tamer: all three of you are terrors and thats that

Not a furry: i suddenly feel a lot more worried about letting sapnap hang around today than i normally do

dyslxeic bee lover: when it comes to my brother and his friends you should be

dyslxeic bee lover: except bad

dyslxeic bee lover: bads a siant

Not a furry: you saying that tubbo isnt reassuring

Not a furry: i know how you and tommy are

Not a furry: saying i should be worried is frightening

colournotfound: sapnap will behave

rat tamer: and if the little muffinhead doesnt george and i will set him straight

legally blonde: isnt he already painfully straight?

colournotfound: @Not a furry can we kick callahan? please?

Not a furry: even if he makes bad jokes no

colournotfound: ugh

legally blonde: really feeling the love there george

colournotfound: im going to throw myself in the pool to escape this hell


	3. go sit on a cactus and spin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets pretend this didnt take ages okay? please?

**dweam, tech no**

dweam: if i said i needed to leave practice early

dweam: what would you say?

tech no: id say youre captain you can do what you want

dweam: cool

dweam: i need to leave practice early

tech no: okay

**sleepy bois incorporated**

tech no: really love everytime dream and i have to message each other

tech no: its my favorite thing

philza: You could go a little heavier on the sarcasm there, Techno.

tech no: was that not sarcastic enough?

tech no: ill try again

tech no: whenever i have to text dream its my most favorite thing in the whole wide world to do

tech no: its not awkward at All

philza: That wasn't a challenge but I sure am glad you did that.

aaron-wil-burr: why did dream text you?

philza: Will...

aaron-wil-burr: what???

tech no: he needs to leave practice early

tech no: dont know why

aaron-wil-burr: i haven't said anything phil

philza: I'm too old for this shit.

aaron-wil-burr: youre a senior phil

tech no: practically a dinosaur compared to us

aaron-wil-burr: not Helping techno

tech no: i think i was helping i just wasnt helping you

aaron-wil-burr: were gonna fight technoblade

tech no: oh no

tech no: how scary

aaron-wil-burr: we all should hang out after practice

philza: I've got a date planned, sorry.

aaron-wil-burr: well for those of us who arent painfully single

philza: Aren't you and Niki?

aaron-wil-burr: no???

aaron-wil-burr: techno please say yes

tech no: fine

tech no: i guess you can have the honor of my company after school today

aaron-wil-burr: fuck yeah!!!

**colournotfound, dweam**

dweam: im showing up to your club meeting today

dweam: dont tell sapnap PLEASE

colournotfound: you do realize sapnap is also going to be there? and tubbo?

dweam: yeah?

colournotfound: nevermind

dweam: oh fuck wait

colournotfound: LOL

dweam: fuck i gotta come up with excuse for tubbo

colournotfound: … that wasnt the thing i thought you would worry about but okay

dweam: what else would i worry about?

colournotfound: the fact that sapnap, myself, bad, tubbo, eret, and callahan are going to make fun of you for the rest of your life

dweam: that one was already a guarantee

dweam: the day you lot let me live is the day the world ends

colournotfound: well we wouldnt want that now would we?

dweam: lighten up there sergeant sarcasm

colournotfound: go sit on a cactus and spin

dweam: …

dweam: ive got nothing

dweam: holy shit

**dweam, dyslxeic bee lover**

dweam: im picking you up from your club early

dyslxeic bee lover: why?

dweam: family time

dyslxeic bee lover: again

dyslxeic bee lover: w h y?

dweam: we havent spent time together in a while

dyslxeic bee lover: why are you only teillng me and not the famliy soup chat

dyslxeic bee lover: wow

dweam: that was bad

dyslxeic bee lover: english machine broke i giess

dweam: i love you but

dyslxeic bee lover: i knew your love was conditional

dweam: im changing the family chat

dweam: tubbo what the fuck???

**mental health where???**

dweam: im changing the name

_dweam changed the name " **mental health where???**_ _to " **famliy soup chat"**_

dyslxeic bee lover: im changing my chat name then

english machine broke: fcuk you dream

english machine broke: eret dream swore at me earlier

king eret: im absolutely not dealing with u 2 AND calculus @ the same time

dweam: fuck you too eret

english machine broke: thats so mean???

english machine broke: i thought we were ding family time after clubs today and you treat us like this???

king eret: were doing family time???

english machine broke: dream said we were

dweam: that didnt include eret

dweam: it was just gonna be us two

king eret: ok fuck calculus what the f u c k dream

dweam: … tubbo time?

king eret: ok fair enough

king eret: but still

king eret: wat the fuck

dweam: i figured we could get some ice cream and go to the game store

dweam: you and i see each other almost every day because of practice

king eret: all 3 of us c each other every day because We Live Together

dweam: yeah but i mean spend quality time with each other

king eret: if practice is what u call quality time

king eret: i pity ur future girlfriend

english machine broke: that sounds fun!!!!!

english machine broke: im excited now!!!

dweam: ill swing by your club room and pick you up okay tubbo?

english machine broke: yeah!

king eret: have fun u 2

english machine broke: we love you eret!!!

dweam: do we?

english machine broke: yes!!!

king eret: say u love me or else

dweam: else what?

king eret: i tell mom about that time i walked in on you doing you know what on the you know what

dweam: i love you

dweam: please dont tell mom holy shit please

king eret: thats what i thought!


	4. this is deffo flerting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in 2 days???? hwat???? lmao enjoy!

**english machine broke, dweam**

english machine broke: uh huh family time

english machine broke: thats def why your here

**robo club combine**

english machine broke: this is deffo flerting

english machine broke: this is deffo flerting

english machine broke: this is deffo flerting

english machine broke: this is deffo flerting

colournotfound: this is painful

rat tamer: doesnt he have practice???

english machine broke: he said he was leaving early for "family time"

colournotfound: what a liar

colournotfound: this is pathetic

rat tamer: id say be nicer but this is just too sad

colournotfound: sapnap is shaking from how hard hes trying not to laugh

rat tamer: oh my gosh

rat tamer: did he just do that?

colournotfound: i gonna puke

english machine broke: i never wamt to see my brother flert again

colournotfound: does fundy even know whats happening?

english machine broke: sam looks like he wants to die

**famliy soup chat**

english machine broke: i dont care that you like guys

english machine broke: but if i have to see you flert again ill jump

king eret: wat the fuck????

king eret: tubbo wats going on?????

english machine broke: dreams a dirty liar

english machine broke: come to robitics club

king eret: uh let me shower 1st

english machine broke: no just come

king eret: ok?

**robo club combine**

english machine broke: erets on the way

colournotfound: oh good we all can laugh at dream then

rat tamer: thats not nice!

colournotfound: but so true

colournotfound: oh my god i think sam managed to grab his phone

green eggs and sam: HWLP

colournotfound: lmao

rat tamer: LOL

legally blonde: whats going on?

rat tamer: dream is here

colournotfound: and hes flirting with fundy

english machine broke: badly

colournotfound: youre a child how do you know what good flirting is

rat tamer: are you saying that dreams flirting is good, george?

colournotfound: ive made an error

english machine broke: lolololol

rat tamer: tubbos right, hes flirting quite badly

rat tamer: and sam is caught between them

english machine broke: oh good erets here

colournotfound: i have never seen dream that panicked

rat tamer: this is hilarious oh my gosh

green eggs and sam: Oh thank God

colournotfound: pour one out for sam

legally blonde: i guess he really took one for the team

green eggs and sam: If im ever in that position again you have my explicit permission to Put Me Out Of My Misery

english machine broke: murder?

english machine broke: murder pog?

green eggs and sam: … I dont jike how excited you are about this but yes

green eggs and sam: Dont tell sapnap but im about to punch him

colournotfound: no problem

colournotfound: dickhead is loud

**famliy soup chat**

king eret: did he… leave practice early

king eret: just to flirt with fundy???

english machine broke: yes

king eret: he knows im 1 of fundys best friends???

english machine broke: maybe?

king eret: why is he such a headache

english machine broke: dunno

english machine broke: its dream

dweam: i can read this you know

king eret: thats the Point

dweam: all three of us are doing family time i guess

king eret: ur pathetic holy shit

**misferns**

king eret: fundy

Not a furry: … what eret

king eret: what did i walk into today?

ranfool: oh? Worm?

Not a furry: No!!!

Not a furry: no worm!

queen niki: whats going on?

king eret: went to robotics club 2 pick up my darling brother tubbo

king eret: and my bitch brother dream was there leaning over fundy and all in his space

ranfool: darling is not a word i would ever describe Tubbo with.

king eret: not the time ranboo

king eret: i want to know wats going on between fundy and dream

queen niki: im quite curious as well

Not a furry: i dont know?

queen niki: just explain what happened

Not a furry: well he leaned against the entrance to the club room and i told him to come in

Not a furry: he laughed and said he didnt want to intrude, he was waiting in tubbo

king eret: he leaned against the doorframe?????

Not a furry: yeah

queen niki: hes got you pegged fundy

ranfool: pffft pegged.

queen niki: prepare to die

ranfool: i'm sorry!!!!

queen niki: fundy, continue

Not a furry: he walked over to where sam and i were working and he looked at the code

Not a furry: and then he helped correct it!!!

Not a furry: so we were just talking about coding stuff!

king eret: sam looked like he wanted to die

king eret: coding stuff my ass

queen niki: is coding stuff the way to your heart Fundy?

ranfool: no no no no what you should be asking, 

ranfool: is coding stuff code for something else?

king eret: i fucking hope not

king eret: id have 2 kill dream

Not a furry: NOOO!!!

Not a furry: WERE JUST FRIENDS!!!!

ranfool: thats your brother?

Not a furry: he wasn't flirting!!!!

king eret: i like fundy more

Not a furry: HE WASNT FLIRTING!!!

ranfool: … okay fundy

queen niki: if this is because of Wilbur

Not a furry: its Not!

queen niki: if you say so

king eret: i gtg

king eret: ill be back

queen niki: have fun!

Not a furry: i hope you get a brain freeze

ranfool: fundy thats...

ranfool: cold.

Not a furry: im ignoring you

ranfool: valid.

**famliy soup chat**

king eret: so i was ignoring it but uh

king eret: u like boys dream?

dweam: yeah.

dweam: is there a problem?

english machine broke: your an idiot

king eret: dream

king eret: this is y tubbos my favorite

dweam: this doesnt feel very validating

king eret: ur sexuality is valid

king eret: ur also an idiot

dweam: thanks i guess

king eret: no prob

english machine broke: we still love you i geuss

dweam: can i have new siblings?

dweam: can i Please have new siblings?

english machine broke: your stuck with us

dweam: but also please dont tell mom or dad

king eret: im not an asshole

king eret: of course i wont

english machine broke: as kong as you promsie i wont see you flert again

king eret: tubbo!

dweam: i cant promise that

english machine broke: i guess i wont tell mum or dad

dweam: thank you


	5. im gonna get a Knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter pog?
> 
> small edits done 16/1/21

**sleepy bois incorporated**

tech no: @philza save me

tech no: @philza please

tech no: @philza help me please

philza: What Techno?

tech no: its wilbur

philza: Oh no.

tech no: dream left practice early and im s u f f e r i n g

tech no: phil help please

philza: I'm not sure there's much I can do to help.

tech no: philza please

philza: You're on your own Techno.

tech no: noooooooo

**wimbur shut the fuck up challenge failed**

tommyinnit: how long has he been doing this???

tech no: too long

tech no: since practice ended

tommyinnit: im gonna get a Knife

Not a furry: please dont stab our brother

tech no: im with the child

tech no: a knife would solve our problems very fast

tommyinnit: IM NOT A CHILD

tommyinnit: HOW FUCKIGN DARE YOU CALL ME A CHILD

Not a furry: on second hand that knife sounds like a good idea

tech no: i knew youd see it my way eventually

**jif,** **tech no**

tech no: sometimes you arent the most obnoxious person i know

jif: rhanks i rhink

tech no: do you even look at your phone when you type?

jif: obbiously not

tech no: please put on auto correct

jif: fucknyou

tech no: im not bad

jif: yiure gokna due ny my jand

tech no: whats a jand?

jif: im gonna tell bad

tech no: oh

tech no: oh no

tech no: please dont

**wimbur shut the fuck up challenge failed**

Not a furry: so were just letting him rant?

tommyinnit: yeah

Not a furry: fair enough

**besfest frjends**

jif: baaaaaad

jif: technos beung nean to me

tech no: oh god please skeppy have mercy

tech no: dont tattle on me please

rat tamer: ? whats going on?

jif: technks bykkyung ne fir ny tyoing

rat tamer: that was illegible

rat tamer: skeppy

tech no: skeppy when you type like that its deserved

jif: why are hku sk mean

tech no: because im bored

rat tamer: why are you bored techno?

jif: who cares

rat tamer: skeppy thats rude!

tech no: wilbur is ranting about dream again and i have Regrets

tech no: why did i befriend him

jif: whys he rantkng wblut drewm

tech no: he had to leave practice early i guess

rat tamer: oh yeah, he did

tech no: bad what do you know?

jif: bad?

rat tamer: he came to robotics club to flirt with fundy

tech no: oh my god

jif: LMAOOOOOOO

tech no: im not telling wilbur that

tech no: ill never hear the end of it

jif: is that why youve been on ykjr pnkne thus whole time?

tech no: oh my god are you two together right now?

rat tamer: yeah

tech no: am i third wheeling?

jif: NO

tech no: i Crave Death

rat tamer: I can provide that.

tech no: technoblade never dies

rat tamer: Are you sure?

tech no: uhhhh

tech no: im gonna run before i die by bads hand

jif: ahahgshshs

**wimbur shut the fuck up challenge failed**

tech no: so furry

Not a furry: …

tommyinnit: HA

tech no: i think you might know why wilbur is ranting so much

Not a furry: no?

tech no: so dream didnt leave practice early just to flirt with you?

Not a furry: he said he was waiting for tubbo

Not a furry: family time

tommyinnit: oh my god

tommyinnit: is that tubbo messaged me calling dream a lying bitch

tommyinnit: hahahaha

Not a furry: it wasnt flirting!!!!!

tech no: i dont care

tech no: no one tells wilbur

Not a furry: i wasnt going to anyway?

tommyinnit: why should i not tell him

Not a furry: because you love me?

tommyinnit: i do?

Not a furry: i Will tell mom

tommyinnit: Bet

tech no: because if i have to hear wilbur rant about how "dream is corrupting his baby brother" you will be short a brother

Not a furry: worm?

tech no: not you fundy

tommyinnit: unfortunate

tommyinnit: i could no longer have a furry in the family

tech no: ill teach you how to fence tommy

tommyinnit: add tubbo

tech no: fine

tommyinnit: you have yourself a deal mr blade

tommyinnit: hes slowing down

Not a furry: oh good

Not a furry: hes calming down

tech no: you spoke too soon

Not a furry: why si he talking about freshman year

tech no: oh god

Not a furry: wilbur shut up Please

tommyinnit: this actually sucks

**tech no, philza**

tech no: bruh

tech no: dream left practice early to flirt with fundy

tech no: and wilbur is still ranting about dream

tech no: AGAIN

tech no: IM THE CO-CAPTAIN

tech no: I SHOULD BE MORE UPSET

tech no: but noooooo wilbur is upset instead

tech no: im wilbur and i have a personal vendetta against dream that means i rant about him for hours on end

tech no: i crave D E A T H phil

philza: Oh my god.


	6. you know the idioteers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter than normal but you can blame des. she said i should do this.

**munchy munchy**

green eggs and sam: Dream, you ever make me suffer like That again and its On Sight

colournotfound: pffffft

snapmap: did you have to punch me dude???

green eggs and sam: dude

legally blonde: he told the club chat

legally blonde: we chose not to inform you

snapmap: bad????

rat tamer: i didnt see the message, sorry sapnap

its punz time: heard my homies gettin decked

its punz time: whats up

snapmap: i was chillin in robo club and sam just fuckin decked me out of nowhere

green eggs and sam: pffft out of nowhere

colournotfound: out of nowhere my ass

itsalyssa: im so confused but im so afraid to ask questions

supreme headass: thats a hard sam from me alyssa

green eggs and sam: what

its punz time: whys sam hard ponk?

green eggs and sam: ponk

snapmap: why are you thinking about sam hard ponk

supreme headass: I MEANT SAME

supreme headass: I MEANT SAME

supreme headass: I MEANT SAME

supreme headass: I MEANT SAME

snapmap: sure ponk

supreme headass: I MEANT SAME

supreme headass: I MEANT SAME

colournotfound: sapnap, youre really asking why you got punched with this behaviour?

colournotfound: really?

snapmap: yeah i am gogy

colournotfound: youre such a bitch sapnap

supreme headass: but seriously whats going on?

green eggs and sam: you know the idioteers?

supreme headass: what did dream, sapnap, and punz do?

itsalyssa: oh no

its punz time: dude i have No clue whats going on

warrior cats oc: Confusion ™

green eggs and sam: well idiot #2 decided to leave his team early to Flirt With Fundy

its punz time: i didnt do shit

green eggs and sam: Right Next To Me

green eggs and sam: B a d l y

itsalyssa: he didnt

colournotfound: he absolutely did

rat tamer: it was quite sad

snapmap: it was hilarious

colournotfound: it was pathetic

green eggs and sam: idiot #3 wouldnt Stop Laughing so i punched him

legally blonde: lmao

dweam: i love having supportive friends

dweam: its so great

supreme headass: supportive??? bitch where???

dweam: it was sarcasm

red velvet: no fuckin shit sherlock

itsalyssa: okay but fundy??? really dream?

dweam: dont be mean

rat tamer: whats wrong with fundy?

green eggs and sam: pick on a different furry

itsalyssa: whoa i didnt mean it like that

warrior cats oc: do you want to die sam?

supreme headass: then how did you mean it?

snapmap: petition for alyssa to be idiot #4

green eggs and sam: thats my secret antfrost

its punz time: bro you know alyssa is too good for us

snapmap: so?

green eggs and sam: i always crave death

red velvet: be quiet knuckleheads

itsalyssa: everyone knows wilbur has it out for you dream

warrior cats oc: pack it up depressed hulk kinnie

itsalyssa: and this is really out of nowhere

legally blonde: oh my god ant

itsalyssa: i dont know much about fundy but you can be an asshole

dweam: ouch???

rat tamer: dream if youre playing fundy i swear

colournotfound: dream...

itsalyssa: so it kind of jist looks like youre playing fundy to get back at wilbur

warrior cats oc: alyssa really is the best of us

supreme headass: alyssa out here worried about fundy while we're still clowning dream

snapmap: dude im your friend no matter what

its punz time: thats a little fucked up tho

snapmap: but thats kind of a dick move

legally blonde: shes right and she should say it

colournotfound: oh uh

legally blonde: dream

legally blonde: you didnt express an intrest in fundy until wilbur said he was his brother in the swim team chat

snapmap: callahan with the reciepts

legally blonde: when, qnd im pretty sure about this

legally blonde: fundy has been to other swim meets

red velvet: dream

green eggs and sam: bruuuh

rat tamer: everyone be quiet for a second

warrior cats oc: thats hella sus dude

warrior cats oc: sorry bad

rat tamer: thank you

rat tamer: lets not jump to conclusions without letting dream explain first okay?

rat tamer: dream, explain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))


	7. everyone else keep their fingers to themselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a hot minute. im not okay with this chapter but its out and i can move on

**munchy munchy**

dweam: okay so

dweam: alyssa wasnt wrong

dweam: this did kind of start out as a way to get back at wilbur because im not gonna date tommy you know?

dweam: thats a little weirdchamp

its punz time: bruh

snapmap: dude

red velvet: god youre such a fuckhead

itsalyssa: ive never hated being right so much

warrior cats oc: have you contemplated just? not doing that

green eggs and sam: i think the world just pulled an Uno Reverse because if you arent Craving Death dream i Swear

rat tamer: Everyone BE QUIET!

rat tamer: Dream, keep explaining.

rat tamer: Everyone else keep their fingers to themselves.

dweam: feeling a little unsafe here

colournotfound: good

legally blonde: you should

rat tamer: I SAID EVERYONE SHUT UP!

rat tamer: I don't think that is the whole story so Dream, keep talking.

dweam: yessir

snapmap: bad goin feral huh

rat tamer: Sapnap.

snapmap: sorry sir

dweam: um

dweam: but then i went to robotics club and i actually talked to fundy

dweam: and hes really funny and hes smart

green eggs and sam: no shit dude

dweam: and i really enjoyed our conversation

dweam: so i just dont know anymor

colournotfound: wow

snapmap: oh dude that sucks

rat tamer: If anyone else talks, you will be joining Techno and I for fencing practice for the next month.

rat tamer: nothing? Good.

rat tamer: Dream, do you have an idea of what you are going to do or not?

dweam: no i dont and i just???

dweam: i feel so bad but at the same time???

dweam: it feels so justified but i feel guilty

dweam: and i havent even done anything reallt

dweam: like i feel lime ive fucked up horribly

dweam: and im an awful person who only fucksnip

rat tamer: okay dream breathe. triangle breathing like weve talked about

rat tamer: breathe in for 3 counts, hold your breathe for 3 counts and exhale for 3 counts

rat tamer: where are you? are you safe?

dweam: im in the bathroom of the arcade off main and yeah, im safe

rat tamer: im with skeppy and were on main so well be there quickly.

rat tamer: Everyone else, were benching this for now. We'll address it tomorrow.

rat tamer: Callahan, Sam, George, do Not mention this to Fundy or anyone.

legally blonde: bad…

rat tamer: i think things will resolve themselves without drama

**dweam, rat tamer**

rat tamer: were at the arcade, im headed towards the bathrooms

**munchy munchy minus d^2**

green eggs and sam: uhhhh

green eggs and sam: well that escalated Quickly

snapmap: yeah no shit

itsalyssa: i feel bad :(

itsalyssa: especially since we moved chats now were talking behind their backs

legally blonde: dont feel guilty alyssa, youre looking out for fundy

legally blonde: i didnt help either

its punz time: this all just fucked up you know?

warrior cats oc: bad benched the conversation but sam, callahan, george, what are you gonna do?

colournotfound: im dreams friend first and foremost so im going to stick by him and what he chooses to do

supreme headass: george, what if he decides to pursue fundy romantically?

colournotfound: im going to stick by his side no matter what ponk

supreme headass: okay

green eggs and sam: im a bit conflicted but i trust bad so im going to wait on him

legally blonde: same

legally blonde: i feel weird about it but we are dreams friend first

warrior cats oc: anywayyyy

warrior cats oc: does anyone understand how i should be dividing polynomials?

**dweam, rat tamer**

rat tamer: do you want to talk or text?

dweam: text please

rat tamer: okay

rat tamer: how are you feeling right now?

dweam: like i had. apanic attack in the gross arcade bathroom

rat tamer: dream…

dweam: i feel really shitty and kind of jike im a bad person

rat tamer: why do you think youre a bad person dream?

dweam: beacsue!

dweam: im using fundy to get back at wikbur and thats something a shitty person does

rat tamer: well it certainly isnt something a nice person does

rat tamer: however you havent actually done anything

dweam: see ebmve you agree

dweam: but i have!

dweam: i talked with him and i was flirting with him

rat tamer: but you havent broken his heart nor have you said Or done anything hurtful

dweam: but

rat tamer: dream, you admitted that you were having second thoughts because of how much you actually like fundy

rat tamer: you may have gone into this with bad intentions but you stopped yourself before it got too far

rat tamer: youre not a bad person for this

rat tamer: this is just one mistake in the sea of your life, okay?

dweam: but i feel like im a bad person

rat tamer: what do you think would help soothe that feeling?

dweam: i dont know

rat tamer: would you like some advice or a hug?

dweam: advice then hug?

rat tamer: of course

rat tamer: become fundys friend truly

rat tamer: become his friend for him and not because hes wilburs brother

rat tamer: and if you still like him once you know him, date him legitimately

rat tamer: i think it will help if you decide to throw away ulterior motives and become his friend just because

dweam: bad…

dweam: i

rat tamer: its okay, just think about it

rat tamer: open the stall so i can hug you

**jif, rat tamer**

jif: is everyhing okay?

rat tamer: yeah were good

rat tamer: thank you for waiting ^-^

jif: idhdjdjd

jif: ni odkblem

**Author's Note:**

> edit: im a buffon. an idiot. an absolute dumbfuck. i know how ao3 works i swear.


End file.
